True North

Apologies to real navigators. Disclaimer- novice in action.

In high school, decades ago, I learned that a compass doesn't really point to the North Pole. It points to magnetic north, a variable magnetic field that is not fixed in relation to the earth's axis. You have to make adjustments in order to travel North. And don't even think about Astronomical True North, or grid north. Those tidbits of information have wiggled around in my brain all these years. Kind of like when you discover that no one is really in charge.

There are lots of distractions from the truth, and that is my analogy. There are lot of distractions from keeping true to my authentic self. Sorry if that phrase has become hackneyed. It works really well to describe my goal, so I'm risking some rolling of the eyes when I use it.

I used to be so sure of things. I didn't question anything, or any authority. My compass was pointed North, and that's all that mattered. That may be the way with most young people, especially those who have been given a sheltered and easy childhood. Or, it may be peculiar to me. Regardless, that surety was blown away, for me, on 9/11. I was young and immature during the Vietnam protests, or it would have happened then, I imagine.

My childhood was filled with heroes. Roy Rogers in his white hat. John Wayne. Zorro. Then there were the real ones: Rosa Parks, Amelia Erhart, MLK, John Glenn. And John Glenn again. Heroes were good people traveling due North. Toward truth and justice.

Then the black and white picture faded to shades of gray. Good people made huge mistakes. Including me. And nothing was quite as simple anymore.

If I'm honest, which authenticity demands, I can't glide along with the crowd, taking up trends here and there that fit the moment but not the journey. But I do. That pesky magnetic field has a strong pull, and sometimes I find myself spending long periods of time following some mixed bag or another. Uh-oh, more mixed metaphors.

Most people I know want to belong. They want to be in the know, savvy, etc. Because we get laughed at when we show our naivete or inexperience. But striving to live in a way that shows I'm cool is a diversion from my path. Plus, I'm not able to pull it off. My true self manages to peek through. So what I really, really want is to not listen to that siren call of the faux north. To listen only to the instincts that tell me who I really am. It's a goal. Like traveling True North.